Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
