While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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