just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
