sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
