We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
