Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
