According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
