my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
