whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
