He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
