I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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