I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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