let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
