He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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