woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
