The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Everyone says I win the strip club
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
