The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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