Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
No subtext here. People are naked.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
