we made out on top of his cat.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
