Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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