did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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