Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
