Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
