Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
