I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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