I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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