Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
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