Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
