I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
