I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
