There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
