I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I fill condoms, not promises.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
