need another drink. this is the easiest way
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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