I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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