I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
