Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Randomize
