New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
