I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
