I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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