My Higher Power is John Stamos
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
