once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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