Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
is that a dick in a sweater?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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