A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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