hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
