I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
