don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
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We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
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Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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