wakey wakey hands off snakey
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
