wakey wakey hands off snakey
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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