is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
