i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
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Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
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For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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