gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
We smell like vodka and hangover
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
