Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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