A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
