I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
