So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
