I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
