Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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