How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
