I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
