dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
