I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
