she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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