Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
