i think my tv is drunk
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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