I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
