I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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