I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My feet surprised me
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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