Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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