god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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