Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
