I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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